snowman humor...

i don't understand boys...

Last night we loaded The Boy and Girl into the car and drove to the museum so they could put their letters to Santa Clause in the special mailbox. On the way home, The Kids started to doze off (or so we thought). The Husband started talking to me about some weird talent show/Christmas party they are planning at work.

"So, do you wanna go?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because, I don't want to sit around and listen to off key karaoke singing and watch your coworkers ingest a little too much egg nog that has more nog than egg."

Suddenly, The Boy pipes up from the back seat "Yeah, Dad. Besides, do you have a talent that you are going to share? What would it be? I mean, I guess you could get up on stage and fart for everybody. You're pretty good at that. Maybe you could do 'Jingle Bells' using farts and accenting it with burps. What do you think?"

I sat in stunned silence as The Husband and The Boy expounded on this idea. They decided that not only would the musical choices for the evening include Jingle Bells, but The Husband would also perform a rendition of "We Fart You a Merry Christmas", "Angles We Have Smelled on High", and last but not least, "Oh Little Town of Beans and Ham" (because according to them, beans and ham produce flatulence with the best tonal qualities).

Why me? Why oh why oh why?

ever have one of those days...

This is how I have felt all day. Why you ask? 1) People not being truthful as to why their reports haven't been completed as required. 2) My boss telling me he is working on reviewing my report and that he will have it done as soon as possible. 3) The Husband telling me that he has every intention of getting the dishes done this evening. 4) The Kids promising that they will never ever wipe boogers on the bathroom wall again. Sigh. It is never ending.
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The Husband decided The Boy needed a cell phone. He set the whole thing up without consulting me about it. I survived without a cell phone until I was 22! Why does my 8-year-old need one? The Husband said that it is because The Boy is involved in so many after school activities that do not involve a)us and b) the daycare and The Boy should have a way to get a hold of us if needed. I couldn't argue with that too much. But when I get text messages from The Boy that say things like "I like pie" and "That fart I just let out really stinks!" I have to wonder about the practicality of the whole thing.

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We saw The Princess and the Frog on Friday. It was really, really cute. I about peed myself laughing at the frog hunters.

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I've made 3 different dinners for ladies (including my sister-in-law) who just had babies and who all had c-sections.

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We bought our Christmas tree and got it set up last week. Well, it is not so much a tree as it is a bushy freak of nature thing. But I had little choice. There was a total of one tree lot in town! One! My sister (who lives in the state capital) said there were hundreds of tree lots in her town. And we get one! Oh, the humanity! So I ended up with this Douglas Fir thing because I fundamentally r.e.f.u.s.e. to buy a Fakey McFakerton tree. The Kids had a good time decorating it. I had less fun vacuuming up all the needles off of the floor.

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I went to a baby shower on Saturday. It was a good shower, except the mom-to-be went into labor an hour before the party started, so she couldn't make it. Rude. We partied without her. And we all opened her gifts and the re-wrapped them, because, lets face it, the whole point of a baby shower is to ooh and aahh over the cute stuff everyone brought.

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We watched Star Trek over the weekend. My daughter swooned over Chris Pine. That's my girl.



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The Girl has a dance recital on Wednesday. The Boy has his school Christmas concert on Thursday. I am babysitting all day Friday. Then The Kids have a gymnastics exhibition thingy on Saturday.



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I am almost done Christmas shopping. I just have to get my 87 year old grandma a present. She's really easy to shop for. The woman loves movies. When I asked her what movie she would like she said "Anything with Chuck Norris. That man could crack a walnut open with his ass!"



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And now I am out of things to say. So I will just end with this:

just because...

You simply cannot go wrong with a post that includes Bob Ross and Chuck Norris.